Bullying...
It starts with one look, one word, and the word doesn’t even have to be to your face. It can be behind your back. It doesn’t make it any less bullying. My bullying started around my first year of elementary school when a half Turkish girl in my class started bullying me for absolutely no reason. She would call me terrible things and she would really make me feel bad about myself. I remember her calling me a lesbian, for god’s sake I didn’t even know such thing existed back then. Turns out later that I was a bisexual, but that’s a totally different story. I remember the seven-year-old me going to my mom and asking what does it mean and why would that girl call me that. I just couldn’t understand it back then. Now I just wonder if she knew what it ment, more than I did back then.
This girl had decided she hated me, and I had absolutely no idea what had happened. What did I do to hate me that much? The bullying got so bad at some point that my mom actually gave me permission to hit the girl. I was a wuss, I could never do it. I still to this day wonder what had happened then, why was she bullying me?
When I get to actually thinking about it, I don’t remember much about my time in elementary school. It hasn’t even been that long, but I know that I’ve had many good and bad memories from those years. I guess I just decided to let go of the bad ones. But those bad memories have made me the insecure person I am today. And I’m still trying to forget the feeling of people staring at me.
- Ifi
- Ifi
